If You Hate Her So Much, Why Don't You Kill Her?
by SpoofsForGoofs
Summary: On the big screen Bella and Edward look like the perfect couple, both meant for one another. But behind the scenes and away from the cameras there's a completely different relationship than anyone suspected. Rated M for Language... Oneshot


**A/N: I still don't own twilight… if I did… DAMN I'D BE POOR! Cause A LOT more people like it than hate it… o.e**

**If You Hate Her So Much, Why Don't YOU Kill Her?**

"Edward! Don't!" Bella shouted across the beautifully decorated plaza, she could feel time slowing as she made a mad dash through a fountain. The clock chimed for the second time.

Because time was moving so slowly today, Bella decided to stop for a few moments and look at some flowers she saw in a flower shop, after that she went to the nearest Starbucks she could find, which happened to be four blocks away.

About an hour and a half later Bella heard the third chime from the clock. Bella mentally cursed herself for not being prepared for time to pick the pace up again. Bella quickly and quiet clumsily ran back towards the plaza as fast as she possibly could, most of the time she stumbled over objects that didn't exist, making a fool of herself.

As Bella pushed herself to the Plaza two blocks away she could feel her sides burning from the "intense" running. As Bella entered the Plaza, the clock chimed again. Soon she found her path blocked by a couple of adorable little children playing in the sun. Without sparing them a look, Bella pushed the two children out of her way roughly so she could quickly get to her lover, her soul mate, her one and only, Edward Cullen.

When Bella finally reached Edward, instead of running into him, she ran to the support next to him, "I have about five chimes left right?" the very unfit Bella wheezed in between pants. With just a few more chimes left Bella lifted herself off the support and gulped down a few more breaths.

Walking about ten feet away from Edward, Bella turned around and shot back towards him in a mad dash as he started to step forward into the noon sun, "Edward! Don't" Bella yelled over the crowd, just in time to face plant into his really hard marble chest. Even moments after running into his body, Bella could still feel her bones rattling.

Edward glared hatefully down at Bella Swan, "Great. Just fucking perfect, I try so hard to get myself killed to get away from you, and little miss _perfect_ just _had _to follow me into the depths of hell… just great, this is wonderful… just wonderful," Edward was extremely pissed, "Can I get a refund? I really rather not spend the rest of eternity with this bitch, I mean really…" Edward brought his fingers to the bridge of his nose and pinched, hoping to relieve an oncoming headache.

"Edward, what are you saying, you're alive and… I-I love you," Bella said overly confused by the majority of his words.

"Didn't you hear me before…? I don't love you, I hate you with all my being," he seethed.

"CUT! CUT! CUT!" The bearded director yelled out. The quiet set immediately picked back up on the noise level as people began to talk and chat amongst one another.

The overweight director marched over towards Robert Pattison, "Robert, honey… baby… sweetie" the director said softly with his arm draped over Robert's shoulder, "THIS IS A TEENAGE ROMANCE!" he yelled dropping his arm and glaring directly into Robert's eyes, "I don't know how you treated your previous girlfriends, but you don't get in the sack with them by tell them you hate them," The directors face was red from frustration, this wasn't the first time they'd attempted filming this scene. One way or another Pattison screwed it up.

"Sorry Sir," Robert said not really meaning it.

"Just get it right this time…" he said pushing Robert on set, "ACTION!" he yelled.

**LATER WITH THE VOULTRY **

The Cullens and Bella stood in a room within the Voultera's castle. All of the Cullens took a defensive stance as Bella hid behind them in fear, completely defenseless against vampires.

"Let's see what the extent of your powers are," Aro said nodding towards Jane to give her a go ahead. The girl turned a full force glare at Bella.

Instead of jumping in front of Bella to take the brunt of the attack, Edward actually stepped out of the way, giving Jane a better view of Bella.

"CUT! CUT! CUT!" the voice of the director sounded, "Edward is supposed to STOP Jane… don't just sit there and watch her," His face was red and a vein was just about to pop.

"Why should I? I don't like her… good god just kill the woman for all I care!" Robert said glaring at Kristen hatefully. The bitch stole _his_ part; she deserved to die for all he cared.

"Well if you hate her so much, why don't YOU kill her, I'm really man, there are a lot simpler ways of getting over your anger," The director said with a pulsing vein ready to explode.

"Fine then," Robert said grabbing one of the floating mikes and ripping the soft squishy part off, "Hey Kristin?" Robert called searching for the broad on the set, "Hey Kristin I wanted to apologize for the way I've been treating you-" Robert lied still searching for the girl.

Finally deciding to go check her dressing room, Pattison headed down a hall and searched for a star that had her name on it. Finally when he found her door he knocked on it lightly. He heard her welcome him in and opened the door a bit, "Oh there you are Kristin, I've been looking for you everywhere," Robert said walking all the way into her dressing room with the mike he grabbed earlier. He closed the door behind him just as Kristin started to question him.

"What are you doing with that?" she asked curiously and uneasily. "He-hey don't swing that around in here!" there was a loud thump, "Oh my god! That hurt-" Kristin started yelling out as Edward hit her harder, "Stop- HELP!" Kristin tried to call for help, but it was too late.

When Robert Pattison left her dressing room, the only thing left in there was a llama to spit globs of saliva onto her bloodied corps.

**A/N: I like llamas…**

**LLAMAS FTW**

**Uhm… if you read closely you might have noticed the thing where Robert referred the role of Bella as his… well that's part of another story I wrote called, "For The Role Of Bella" anyways I probably should have posted that story first, but what are you gonna do?**


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